Anguish of a Broken Soul
by romancerox
Summary: Flirting is a dangerous art. Loving is hard, confessing is harder. SxS
1. Distant Memories

This is my first two-shot thingy and yes it is **Sakura and Syaoran** forever!!!

**Anguish of a Broken Soul**

Clear, crystal liquids drops welled up in emerald orbs, threatening to spill at any given moment. The auburn-haired, owner of the sad and beautiful tears, reread the diary as she remembered those days when she foolishly fell in love with a certain amber-eyed boy.

Oh how foolish she thought she was, brainlessly and rapidly falling in love with that boy, the boy who penetrated her gloomy day, he was the stars in a star-less sky, with a smile that brightened any emo-teen, oh how glorious those memories were. The memories she will forever keep locked in a section of her mind, the very back of her mind, never thinking of them, yet treasuring them at the same time. The beautiful boy she was in love with had gotten himself a girlfriend, more attractive than she will ever dream of becoming... The boy's name... Syaoran Li.

**Diary Entry:**

Today I went to a Chinese Festival, knowing, hoping, Syaoran-kun would be there. (He lets me call him Syaoran now!! Eeek! I'll write down all what happened later.) Syaoran was there!! There was this bouncy/floaty obstacle course thing and at the end there was a slide. Well, Syaoran was there and he hung out with me the whole time! When he was with his friend and he saw me going onto the obstacle course thing, he ditched his friend and came to me! He even pushed me down and when he fell, he stared at me and asked for my help up! I wanted to, but I was too wimpy.

Ok, about his name... I always thought he hated me, since I was always so mean to him... But one day he asked, "Why do you hate me?" I'm like, "I don't know" because I don't hate him! I just fake that I hate him, while I actually like him. I ask him back, "Why do you hate me?" And guess what!? He doesn't!!!!! "Sakura," my heart missed a few beats as I heard my name roll off his tongue, "I don't hate you." OMG!! AND TODAY HE KEPT SAYING HI TO ME!!

**End of a diary entry**

Sakura rolled her eyes at her idiocy back then when she had feelings for this boy. Now her heart turned into a black stone, not believing in love once more. Her parents were silently arguing by not talking to each other after a disastrous argument. Love was a killer, an eerie thing to believe in. Sakura turned flipped through her diary and stopped at one that she remembered all too well.

**Diary Entry:**

Omg! So far Thanksgiving Break has been sooo awesome! There was a Thanksgiving party at one of my father's friend's house and Syaoran was there! His parents are some-what friends of the hosts', so he was there. I was sitting on a couch and he just came and sat next to me, VERY close! So close that his shoulder was smashed against mine and it felt good... that feels so embarrassing to admit, even in my SECRET diary.

I went over to Tomoyo-chan's house for a sleepover after the party was over and Syaoran went too because of Tomoyo's brother. Her brother, Yasashiko-chan, is Syaoran's friend, even though he is two years younger. At first nothing happened, but when Tomoyo and I finally got bored we went into Yasashiko's room and I laid on his TWIN-sized bed while I watched the siblings face off in a video game. (This is something I did not know Tomoyo could do, play video games!) Then Syaoran laid on the bed, next to me, with his head laying on my shoulder and exclaimed, "Your shoulder's a good pillow." I finally looked down at him and his face was dangerously close, so I quickly looked up, while muttering, "That's nice" as I felt my face start burning. Did I mention this bed was TWIN-SIZED??

We stayed like that for a bit...After a little while, he was actually bold enough to put his arm around my shoulders. It felt comfortable, but it was very awkward, so I asked him what he was doing. He quickly took his arm away, while saying, "I don't know" That was so KAWAII!! Then he asked if I was mad. I wasn't, but I didn't want him to know that... I'm so weird. He persisted. I finally said no in a strange voice. He kept staring at me the next day and...

**Sakura stopped reading.**

She felt so disgusted...she now knew what love she had felt. Not true love, but puppy love. So ashamed of being so obsessed over Syaoran, always wondering what he thought about her or how she should confess. But confessing never happened and Syaoran got himself a girlfriend. How something so amazing could end in such a little time was something that she hated. She also hated herself for actually believing there was a ray of love in her life...but that thought wouldn't prevail for her.

Any flicker of hope and belief was crushed when she saw Syaoran and his girlfriend, Meiling, hugging. The liquids she refused to call tears were gone and replacing them was a fire of anger. Anger at Syaoran for leading her on like that, anger at Meiling for being his girlfriend, anger at love, but mostly anger at herself. She felt like screaming, crying, whatever it took to take her anguish out, but she had promised herself she would never show emotion, except happiness in front of everyone.

**_I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show  
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control _**

**_But I'm just drunk enough to let got of my pain  
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain  
From my eyes  
Tonight I wanna cry _**

Sakura was drunk alright... drunk with all the emotions rushing around in her body. She remembered how her heart raced whenever she saw his piercing, yet softening gaze watching her... Her plan was to just avoid Syaoran always and forever.

….

But that plan didn't go as she planned. The next day, she went to a Japanese New Year Festival and saw him. Her heart didn't move one bit, it had already died from bitter disappointment, as she pretended she didn't see him. But he saw her...

**So how do you think the first chapter was?? Flames appreciated, I will laugh. Criticism awarded and reviews applauded. Should I continue??**

**Disclaimer: If Card Captor Sakura belonged to me, there would be an episode dedicated to Sakura and Syaoran...sadly, I am not Clamp.**

**Disclaimer #2: The lyrics were from a song called _Tonight I Wanna Cry_ by Keith Urban. **


	2. Realizing the Truth

**Chapter 2**

Sakura's heart stayed frozen in that cold lake some call hatred for the first few seconds, but warmed just a little tiny bit as if on instinct as Syaoran's gaze met hers, but she quickly looked away and acted as if she never saw him, like he was some expensive glass thing and she was admired it so much it hurt, but couldn't afford it and left. But he saw _her _and watched as her emerald eyes penetrated his amber ones, but then quickly left. Syaoran felt a little tug at his heart as Sakura looked away. It was amazing how just one look from her in a month could make him feel like she read him as if reading a picture book. As he heard once, "Absence makes the heart fonder..." was it true?

Sakura's mind had been racing around, thinking if she should confess and get on with her love life or not. She chose the first one, because one cute, adorable, handsome, nice, _perfect_ boy was not going to ruin her chances of love. No way in _hell_. Sure, he would have a special place in her heart forever and eternally, but that doesn't mean she will mope over him.** She had to confess**

Sakura walked up to Syaoran, silently thanking the gods that Meiling was not with him, as she watched his eyes widen with surprise. Why wouldn't he be surprised? They had not talked for more than a month.

Sakura looked at the ground and then into his cryptic amber orbs, slightly covered by his gorgeous chestnut hair. Both were silent, just gazing into each other's eyes, taking in every detail. But Sakura shook herself to her senses, knowing this boy was already taken, "Hey," she offered.

Syaoran looked amazed. _She's talking to me? _"Hey," he replied back with a question in his throat.

Sakura inhaled a lungful of oxygen and asked, "Guess what?"

Syaoran guessed this was a rhetorical question, so he just raised one of his eyebrows, giving him a charming and questioning look.

Sakura almost melted. _Almost._ "Guess who I used to like?" Another rhetorical question, so silence was her answer. Before she could lose her nerve, Sakura stated, "You."

Syaoran's eyes snapped into attention and tried to hide his astonishment, but failed. He opened his mouth to answer, but his voice was nowhere to be found and Sakura wasn't finished.

"But guess who I hate now?" Tense silence. "You."

Syaoran simply stared at her, waiting for her to clear this maze into a straight line.

"Why? Is that your question?" Sakura felt her voice tremble a little, but kept it in control and quiet. "Because I thought you liked me too, but guess what? You don't!" She felt her eyes burning, but her voice was still deadly soft and firm. "All those times you put your arm around me and gazed at me like I was the one for you... All fake! You're a fraud, Li!" Sakura knew she should stop all these accussations, but couldn't control herself. She laughed bitterly, "Is that what your scheme was? To hurt me? Well guess what? It worked! You don't like me like anything, right? Not even as a friend!"

Syaoran's low and soft voice suddenly came up into her forcibly controlled voice. "How do you know?"

This question stopped Sakura dead in her tracks. She slowly looked up into his eyes once more and saw anger, confusion, hurt, and...love? Syaoran put his arms around Sakura in an embrace and whispered into her ear, "How do you know I don't like you more than a friend?"

Sakura shivered at this contact, guiltily loving and enjoying it, but quickly withdrew herself. "It's obvious Li."

Syaoran noticed she used his last name, "Sakura?"

"It's Kinomoto," she said coldly.

Syaoran groaned. "Sakura, don't you get it?" He looked deep into the alluring eyes he had grown to love

Sakura's coldness went up a few degrees, as she felt exposed. What was going on?

_**I'm naked Around you  
Does it show?  
You see right through me  
And I can't hide**_

Syaoran slipped his arms around Sakura's waist as he pulled her closer to him. He bent his head into Sakura's beautiful, cherry-smelling hair. He dangled his lips close to Sakura's ear and felt Sakura's heart beat faster. _I'm giving her a heart-beating effect? _He thought, feeling a bit triumphant. "I love you," he whispered slowly into Sakura's ear.

Sakura looked up at him, eyes startled, mind still remembering the warm air from his god-like lips. Then she untangled herself from Syaoran. "No." Her eyes untrusting. The sunny day suddenly turned cloudy, as if the heavens were threatening mankind with rain.

Syaoran felt his heart drop. No? What does that mean? "No?" he asked back.

"You're lying again, aren't you? How dare you!" Sakura lost her cool self and exploded.

"Sakura," Syaoran said gently.

"It's Kinomoto, Li!" She shouted at him, infuriated that he's still using her first name.

"It's true!" He insisted, a hurt face on.

"That you wanted to hurt me?" Sakura mentally scolded herself for her voice finally lost its firmness and obviously trembled, revealing her weak and vulnurable side.

Syaoran looked at Sakura with such love that her anger dropped. "No," he started softly, "It's true that I love you."

Sakura just stared at him, hearing his words as if he was far, far away. Too far to reach him, to touch him, to kiss him... All she wanted was for him to say those three little words and here he was, saying them, that he loved her but did she? Did she love him back? She thought about it. All the times her heart beat when she saw him, all the times her face burned and warmed up when she saw him looking at her, how she yearned for his presence, his touch, even now...Yes. She definitely did.

"But how could you?" Her question caught Syaoran off guard. "You have a girlfriend, Meiling," she said quietly.

"Meiling?" He asked, smirking.

Syaoran is... smirking? Sakura thought she was missing a joke. She gave him a 'duh' look, which was returned, making Sakura even more puzzled.

"Sakura," this time Sakura didn't have the heart to tell him off, "Meiling and I are good friends. Nothing more."

"Nothing more?" Sakura heard herself echoing.

"Nothing more," Syaoran confirmed firmly.

"But, the hugging... and she wore your jacket!" Sakura accused.

"Hugging because it was my birthday and jacket because hers was too thin and I lent her mine, since I can withstand the coldness more than her, " Syaoran watched Sakura carefully.

Sakura thought and though, "Really?" She hated her voice for having so much hope, but her heart was really, really hoping this wasn't another lie, another deception.

Syaoran pulled her into his arms again, ruffling her hair. "Really, really," he smiled; Sakura's childness was too cute. She looked up at him and a pair of soft lips met hers, a quick and sweet kiss. Her first kiss. "Do you really hate me?"

She felt herself reply a "no" back and the lips came back, but this time it wasn't hesitant, it was real and happy. It showed that he loved her too and she felt his smile. When her eyes opened, Syaoran's face was dangerously close once more... but this time her face didn't start warming up.

AN: Aww, I didn't lie... It is Sakura and Syaoran! Not a lot of fluff, I felt like keeping it more realistic than what readers hoped for I guess.

But life isn't always sweet as candy, it can be as bitter too. This next section is sadder, if you don't want to read it, please just review on how you think the happy ending was. I really don't want flames in my email account, saying how mean I was to Syaoran and Sakura. **THIS IS YOUR WARNING!**

**_  
---_**

Sakura averted her eyes away from his drawing amber orbs, but she still felt Syaoran's eyes lingering on her and she felt her face heat up. _How is he doing this to me?_ She finally looked at him when she couldn't shield herself away from his burning gaze anymore. "Yes?" She asked as calmly as she could, clenching her fists from shaking. Why her hands were shaking, only God knew...

"Sakura," He used her first name delicately, carefully.

She looked up at him, confused at why he said her name so cautiously. She put on a face of puzzlement, "That's me..." putting on a cheerful mask, but Syaoran saw right through it. He didn't say anything, just gazed at her with an expression she couldn't define, like regret and sadness mixed together. After a few minutes, Sakura wanted to leave, but decided she had to tell him how she used to feel about him. "Syaoran," He met her eyes at the sound of his name.

"I have to tell you... that... I _used_ to like you, but now I don't... That's all," Sakura didn't believe she actually confessed without humiliating herself badly, as she turned away and prepared to walk away with all the pride and dignity a broken-hearted girl had.

"That's all?" Sakura stopped walking away. Syaoran's tone had hurt in it. She slowly turned around as his eyes met hers, softening and hardening at the same time.

"That's all," she replied. Is there something confusing in her sentence? She hadn't used any big words.

"Used? Not anymore?"

"Used, past tense, so yes, not anymore," Sakura felt her heart drop a bit; did she still have feelings for this boy? She answered that question for herself: Yes, yes she did.

Silence, then...

"You don't get it, Sakura."

"There's nothing to not get Syaoran. I'm over you," she simply put it, not meeting his soulful eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me this sooner?" He had a whining voice, a voice Sakura had never heard before.

"That I like..d you?" A nod. "Because I know you never liked me back," she sighed, ready to jump at the first exit out of this conversation.

Syaoran mumbled something. "What?" Sakura strained her ear to listen.

"Sakura, I liked you too."

"I said—you- what!?"

"I liked you," Syaoran was now the one to be wondering what there was not to get.

Silence, then in a voice as warm as frozen water, "You did?"

Syaoran was surprised at the cold tone, "Yeah, why else do you think I put my arm around you and...well, flirted..with you?"

Sakura's face was stumped for a second, "But...Meiling, your girlfriend."

A groan came from Syaoran's throat, "She told me she liked me and I liked her too."

"You said you liked me! Oh! You were lying, just to play with my affections, weren't you!?" Her voice came out hard.

"Sakura," she had to look at him, "You can like two people at once."

Sakura knew this was true, she had liked Yukito-san and Syaoran-kun at the same time, but gave up on Yukito once she found out he liked her brother. Wait! Syaoran liked...me? But I thought he didn't. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Syaoran looked at her in amazement for a moment, "Because all those time I wanted a hug, you denied me and whenever I," he looked down and his face seemed to color momentarily and when Sakura saw that, she felt her face warming a little. Syaoran cleared his throat and continued, "and whenever I... stared at you, you would look at me like, I was a monkey in a mouse tribe."

Sakura stared at him. "You know what I mean Sakura." She nodded...

_**I hate myself for losing you  
I'm seeing it all so clear  
I hate myself for losing you  
What do you do when you look in the mirror  
And staring at you is why he's not here?**_

Those lyrics came into her head suddenly. "Playing hard-to-get?" She asked. But before he could answer...

"Syao-kun!" A voice that boiled Sakura's blood yelled joyously. She and Syaoran looked and saw it was a girl, with a whirlpool of roses for eyes running towards them, black hair flying behind her. The girl with the money she didn't have, the life she didn't have, but mostly she had Syaoran and she didn't. The girl's name, Meiling. Meiling came, gave Sakura a death glare, without letting Syaoran see, and planted a big and long kiss on his lips. Very showy. He looked a little uncomfortable, Sakura noticed with a bit of grim satisfication. She then turned around and looked as if she had just saw Sakura. "Sakura! How are you?" She stuck a hand out.

Sakura stared at the hand and protruded hers. "Fine. You?"

"Great," Meiling narrowed her eyes. _What is this girl doing with MY Syao-kun?_ Syaoran sensed the tense atmosphere and he cleared his throat. Meiling's attention snapped back to Syaoran with bedroom eyes. "So, Syaoary, what do you say we go over to my house and watch a movie or something?" she asked suggestively.

Sakura felt like gagging and shrinking into the shadows of the night, never coming out to face daylight again. She turned around and started walking away once again, this time there was no dignity and pride in her soul, just sorrow and pain. Her eyes started watering again, but she forced the tears down, gulping a little. A hand came out and grabbed hers. She didn't bother turning around, knowing whom it was, wishing, the owner of that hand was hers.

"I'm sorry. Please don't cry over me," was whispered into the air as he, her forbiddon angel, walked away with_ that_ girl, away from Sakura, out of her life. So he saw the tears in her eyes, but didn't seem to care...

She knew this would be one of the last conversation with him for a long, long period of time. Sure she would get on with her life, but would her heart ever be relinquished from this pain? Sakura also answered this question for herself, no. This pain will never fade from her heart, the tear would never be mended and it was all because of this boy. Syaoran Li was his name and yet, she knew she could never forget him. Trails of water started slipping from her emerald eyes, making a _ping_ sound as they landed on the ground and Sakura smiled, remembering the glorious moments she encountered with her.

**Flashback:**

_"So Sakura," Sakura looked at him, wondering what he wanted. "Hug?" He asked opening his arms out, as if he really wanted a geniune hug._

_"Go hug your friend, Eriol-kun," Sakura replied._

_"But I really want a hug..." he pleaded, arms opening wider._

_----_

_"Hey cutie-petutie."_

_Without looking up she answered, "Don't call me that."_

_"Why not cutie-petutie?" And with that, he looped his arms around her neck and shoulder._

_----_

Through her tears, her bright smile was still shining because she was Sakura Kinomoto and Sakura Kinomoto is always strong...always brave...everything a girl shouldn't be when their love had walked away from her, with another girl.

_**I know for sure  
My love is real my feelings pure  
So take, a try  
No need to ask me why  
Cause I know it's true  
I'm still in love with you**_

-

-

-

-

-

A:N/ I think I will practice it writing sad things more, I want to practice until my writing is so well that readers will shed a tear or two… So what did you guys think of this story line? **Review please** and I was thinking, maybe I should make a **sequel**? Of course, where Syaoran and Sakura _**get together**_?

Disclaimer: I hate Myself for losing you is by Kelly Clarkson, Naked by Avril Lavigne, and Miracle by Cascada. Card Captor Sakura is by Clamp.


	3. Final Decision

Hello fellow readers!

This is romancerox with the news of this story... I'll make it quick and simple...

**NO SEQUEL**

Really, there's no reasoning behind my choice. I have tortured my brain night after night,(ok, exaggeration.. but that's what writers do) deciding what I should write in the sequel, since it was a popular demand

Originally, I planned my story to have a sad ending, but I just couldn't leave it at that, so I had to add a happier ending...Then, I thought about that sequel to the sad ending... but life doesn't get sequels. Life flows on until it stops, running down or around obstacles.

So, my dear readers and reviewers, this is the end to my story.

I really hope you enjoyed it!

Thanks for reading.

_Love is bittersweet...and hard to keep_


End file.
